Charbonneau Mysteries: The Mixed Up Family Tree
by raccoonqueen
Summary: There was a startling secret that Bert's been keeping about his twin sons since their birth. Now that Luna has revealed it, it's up to her to pick up the pieces to solve one of the world's craziest cases ever! Chapter 1 up.


AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my second time writing a PowerPaws story without including the all-too-familiar prologue. However, I'll add an interesting epilogue with a surprise ending (didn't I just omit the prologue in the begining of "PowerPaws 3: The Mommy of All Battles"?). Once again, I'm bringing the movie "Idiocracy" to light--and this time, it's about the secret past of President Raccoon's twin sons, Pablo and Paco, and how Luna and her friends discovered it. Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: All the cartoon characters featured here belong to the following companies who own them—Disney, Evergreen Raccoons Marketing Inc., Hanna-Barbera, E.T.C. Other characters are of my creation.

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Chapter 1: Heritage Day

It was a hot July day in Washington D.C., the capital of the United States of Canerica. And what a day it was--on the first of July, today was National Heritage Day. People from around the empire gathered at the lawn of the White House, which has been the place for festive special occasions that President Bert Raccoon hosted. The holiday, invented by the president himself in 2025, honored the importance of family ancestries, so the citizens always made sure to bring their family trees to the event.

Little did the people know that this spectacular holiday was also going to reveal a secret so shocking, Bert never even bothered to talk about it. But it was not until Luna Charbonneau decided to solve a mystery that could change the lives of the both the president and his family.

It was on that day that the Charbonneaus went to the White House for the Heritage Day Festival. Luna had always been fascinated with that holiday, because it was her chance to express how important her mixed ancestry had become.

"I love National Heritage Day!" she exclaimed happily. "It's one of my most favorite days of the year! Don't you agree, Mom?"

"Yes, Luna," replied Jennifer. Tugging at her paws were the mischivious twins Jefferson and Madison Charbonneau. One twin pulled Jennifer's paw with all his strength, but the other twin pulled the other paw harder and farther. Playing a kind of tug-of-war, Jefferson and Madison dragged Jennifer from side to side, back and forth, and around and around, until she looked like an overused rubber band.

Her husband Pomp went over and said (with a delighted chuckle), "You know, at their age, those twins can really take the energy right out of you."

"Yeah," said Jennifer sarcastically. "If you say so..."

Luna looked around. There were millions of people everywhere--blacks, whites, Asians, Native Americans, Latinos, toons, and even Mixers. She said happily, "I can't wait to show the whole world who I truly am."

"Wait a sec, Luna," said Super Snooper, her paternal grandfather (through Percy). "Haven't you forgotten to construct your family tree?"

"Well...I...guess I did, Grandpa."

Snooper happened to bring with him a medium-sized portrait of his family tree. Pointing to the picture, he said, "You must keep in mind that one part of your bloodline comes from one of the grandest breeds ever to be developed in the modern world."

Luna asked, "And what is that?"

"The Scottish Brownhair," answered Snooper. "A very rare cat breed, originally from the mountainous regions of Scotland and half of Northern England, now available around the globe. And do you suppose where I came from, huh?"

"Where?"

"I trace my rich and pure ancestry to me great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandpappy, Angus MacSnooper, who stowed away on the Mayflower along with the humans on the way to the New World, his family going with him. Their reputation in their keen deductive skills, their sharp minds, and their way of creeping along for hidden clues in clever disguises led to the creation of the Snooper family name, minus the 'Mac'. It was over there in the woods of early colonial New England that Angus founded the first family-run detective agency, the oldest of its kind before those mackintosh-wearing, magnifying glass-holding fellows you know in the old mystery films. They served animals only--they didn't get to serve the interests of their human clients until later on in the 1930s. The profession of a detective was passed down from father to son for many generations, leading up to--you guessed it--me!"

Luna replied, "Then maybe Percy can inherit the position of 'private eye'."

"I don't think so," said Snooper. "Percy already found a job, and it's that of the top engineer of Creampuff Bakeries. He'll never be fit to be a private eye."

Percy, overhearing his father's comment, said, "What are you talking about, Dad?"

"I'm talking about Luna's pedigree," replied Snooper. "I told her the story of me ancestor's detective agency."

"You told me the same thing, too," said Percy.

Snooper nodded and continued, "That's right, Percy. But the point is that due to her Scottish Brownhair lineage Luna is fit to become a private eye and that she will inherit the agency at the time of my untimely death."

Percy replied, "But you said that _I_ would inherit the detective agency, Dad. I make a good detective--see?" With that, he snatched away Snooper's magnifying glass and pretended to search for clues. He stopped to turn to Snooper with an insane smile, his eyes twitching. "SEE?!"

"I know you'd do that well," said Snooper. "But I'm sorry--if you want to be the true heir, you have to be at the top of me family's class. Luna's at number one right now and you're not."

"But Dad, I..." Percy began to prostrate himself onto the ground and bawled loudly, thumping his furry fists into the dirt. Lady Creampuff came over and scolded, "Percival Davis Creampuff, you're too old to act like this. Did your father tell you that you're--"

"I know, Mom, I know!" cried Percy, tears streaming down his cheeks. "My daughter's on top and I'm not. I want the agency! I want to be a detective! I WANT TO BE NUMBER ONE!!"

Jennifer and Ellie-Mae (holding daughter Rosemary by her hand), standing nearby, were witnessing the event. Shaking her head, Jennifer said, "I can't understand how Percy keeps getting all emotional like that. He's been Snooper's firstborn illegitimate son, after all."

"And being a mongrel can't cut him out as a sleuth," replied Ellie-Mae. Rosemary looked up at Jennifer and said, "Ma Jenny, why does Uncle Percy keep crying like that?"

"I don't know, Rose," answered Jennifer. "I suppose it has something to do with his own ancestry..." Suddenly, an idea popped up in her mind. She muttered, "His pedigree...that must've been the problem."

"And why is that?"

"I remember when Luna invented the DNA analyzing machine. If we're lucky, Luna should have it here at the festival. I'll ask her if we could use the machine to see if Percy was part of Snooper's family tree."

"Might as well give it a try."

Overhead, the microphones boomed with a static noise. Then, Bert's cheerful voice streamed into the air: "My fellow Canericans, it's now about time for the annual Track Your Roots Contest, where you bring in the best of your DNA-analyzing machines to determine your bloodline and to see which is the most amazing pedigree in history! Contestants, please bring in your inventions!"

"Looks like it's my cue," said Luna, lifting up her large black suitcase.

"I really look forward to seeing you win, Luna," said Cameahwait. "Good luck!"

"Break a leg!" said Wilny, waving "goodbye" to his favorite big sister.

"Carpe diem!" shouted Lizette cheerily.

Luna stopped, looked back at her whimsical clan, and smiled, before going on her way to the contest. When she reached the back of the stage, she became startled to see her friend Levania in the festival. Luna said, "Oh...hi, Levania."

"Hi, Luna," replied Levania. "Are you getting ready for the contest?"

"Yes."

"Well, so am I. My dad and I brought this machine to help us." She gestured to a large computer, which resembled the early ones of the electronic age. She continued, "If it works, I'll have this contest totally under control."

"Was that a machine for identifying DNA samples?" asked Luna.

Levania said, "Of course. When samples such as blood, skin, or even fur turn up in the machine, the information about a certain person's ancestry is instantly revealed."

"And what are you made of?"

"German on my mom's side, English on my dad's side."

"I can't wait to try mine out. All I need is a DNA sample to examine to determine a person's unique ancestry. I'll use my saliva as a demo..." Luna picked up a dried popsicle stick and spat on it. A large but even blob of saliva oozed and glistened all over the stick, but suddenly it made the stick melt like overheated butter.

"You're going to put that in the machine?" asked Levania.

Luna replied nervously, "Just as long as it isn't toxic saliva."

Levania was called up first for the demonstration of her machine, and soon came the others. Luna, last in line, had to wait until it was her turn. It was almost the end when Kazuo Raccoon came in. Luna said, "Is it my turn yet, Uncle Kazuo?"

"Yes, Luna," he replied. "Dad's calling you up."

When Luna stepped on the platform, all eyes were on her. She lifted her bag onto a nearby table and took out what looked like a medium-sized laptop. She began, "Hello, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Luna Charbonneau. I'm 18 years old and I'm from Pleasant Hills. I'm here to show you a demonstration of one of the greatest devices ever to come straight from the drawing board. I give you...the Heritage Hound!"

There were "oohs" and "aahs" filling the quiet air as the audience marveled at Luna's invention. She continued, "If you ever wondered who your ancestors were but couldn't quite remember it, this is the machine for you. It takes a sample of your DNA and examines it for no less than 60 seconds. For instance, suppose I were to put this stick, covered with my saliva, into the machine and allow it to figure out my true bloodline? The results will amaze you, just as I will show you right now..." Luna was just about to insert her still-wet sample inside the laptop when she heard some shouting from far off.

"I told you not to touch my personal glass bottle collection, _carnal_. I warned you before--"

"_¡Cállese, pendejo!_They're nothing but junk!"

"_Por qué, usted hijo inútil de a.._ "

Before long, two raccoons came tumbling out of the window and into the crowd, wrestling each other about. Bert groaned in frustration. Those twins again...Pablo and Paco Raccoon. They watched as Paco punched and clawed his brother senselessly, cursing him in English and Spanish. Pablo shouted at the top of his lungs, "I'm gonna tell Papa Mapache what you did, and you're going to get it!"

"You're _loco_, brother," said Paco. "Your lies are just nothing but hot air!"

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Oh, _yeah_?"

"YEAH!"

Bert rushed in to stop the fight, but it was too late. Paco was already winding up his fist, preparing to sock Pablo smack-dab in the jaw. _POW! _A mixture of saliva and blood trickled in small drops out of Pablo's mouth...as well as his newly punched-out tooth, which inadvertently fell into the receptacle where Luna's DNA sample was supposed to be. Luna looked on as the twin raccoons glared at each other. Pablo muttered (with a toothless lisp), "Ith over, _carnal_."

"You _will_ be," Paco snapped back.

Bert walked over to them and said, "Stop it, fellas. You're ruining Luna's big day!"

Luna sighed in relief, before hearing an alarming beep from the Heritage Hound. A voice in the laptop said, "Warning! Warning! Genealogical overload! Warning!" She muttered, "Oh, no..." She began typing on the computer, searching for the source of the overload. Upon looking up at the screen, Luna gasped in horror. "Oh...my...god..."

"What is it?" said Bert, looking over her shoulder curiously.

"It's...it's about Pablo and Paco, Grandpa. From the DNA sample extracted from Pablo's tooth enamel, their ancestry is...sort of confusing."

"Of course, but what is it, really?"

Luna turned to Bert with a grave look on her face. She answered grimly, "Your sons...came from a different kind of human race. A race where anti-intellectualism runs unnoticed. A society full of the dumbest people you can find...in another dimension..."

Everyone gasped in shock. An aghast look appeared on Bert's face. The twin boys' true identity had just been revealed...

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Next Chapter: Who is Clevon McDuffy?

_P.S. And just in case you're wondering, "carnal" is a pachucco slang word for "brother"--trust me, I grew up in a city that's almost predominantly Hispanic._


End file.
